"While the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer."
So, life doesn't always go as planned, and I guess the joy of uncertainty is what makes life so enthralling and exciting, but not always so. Not when disappointment sits as the very base of your meaning, or, in this case, takes it away.
But Im always in search of answers, in one way or another, I always have been. This time it didn't work out like I had planned, so I headed to Waterstones and picked up Susan Jeffers book - "Embracing Uncertainty, achieving piece of mind as we face the unknown." I've been entrenched, so much so, I havent wanted her such meaningful and inspiring words to end. Hope? Im always looking for some more of that magical stuff, and this book gave it to me in abundance.
Any kind of disappointment is tough, but when it takes away our sense of purpose, our sense of meaning, its can be a little more then a set back.
Okay, so this may be going a little deep, but as I kept reading, it all just started to make a little more sense. The reason why (I) we so easily fall back into old rituals, habits, and not-so-useful coping mechanisms when times get tough, or when someone lets us down, or when it just all falls apart may be because our upward flow or our strong sense of being ebbs away.
We have to find something (anything) that gives us meaning, a connection to ourselves, to the universe, or to other people. We (I) want to be in a state of living in which I wake everyday and can create and fulfil my own sense of direction and a sense of significance in a world that is so terribly vast, deep, and broad.
So my original plan, which initially gave me an incredible sense of satisfaction, failed, or at least, had to be post-poned for a further twelve months. In the midst of reading between the pages of Susan Jeffers' book and in discovering and understanding whyI'd begun to feel (and act) and react like I had, and ultimately learning to embrace this current stage in my life, I also realised that I was now on some incredible mission to find a (better, more profound) meaning for myself for the next three hundred and sixty five days.
(And who am I to say that this break down of planning wont turn out to be one of the greatest experiences of my life?)
I don't have a solid plan of yet, but Im in the heart of creating one. Photography has been a life long passion - one that continues to grow and flourish, yet this little "gap" in preparation has had me ponder over many other artistic availabilities that may be open to me in this brand new city - ones which I have often found myself deliberating and often battling over, wishing I had more creative ability and knowledge to create my own magic with (read - web design, film production).
These things, these set backs, maybe they are little blessing in disguise only to make our lives larger, deeper, and more profound.
"I thank God that life is hard...because, in the pain, the struggle, the loneliness, and the rejection, we begin to learn and when we learn, we grow, and when we grow, a miracle happens. We begin to change." - Art Berg.